harbour week 1.

day 1. "a little tight, but I'll be fine"

In the time building up to my trip to harbour I was experiencing different emotions. Part of me was really excited to go and train hard for a week and devote this time to a real passion of mine. Another part of me was not looking forward to it at all. I mean it's kind of a pain in the ass. I had to book the time of work (without pay) and of course a week in vancouver ain't cheap either. But I was committed to do this and this week will be great!
So it starts with the bus trip down. The first things I notice is how great it is to people watch, which I did sitting in the greyhound station, when I haven't done that in a while. The highlight definitely being a mother and daughter do the money dance…we've all seen it…. something like this:
mother: do you have enough money? (concerned for child)
daughter: I'm a little tight, but I'll be fine (I don't NEED the money but feel free to give me some mom)
mother: ok
About 40 seconds go by
mother: are you sure you'll be fine (I know you want it but you must ask)
daughter: maybe I should take it (that was easy)
mother: here you go (damn, still not too proud to take money from her mother)
Anyways.. then I'm on the bus. Hardly anyone there. Nobody beside me in front of me or behind me which means I can stick my elbows out, feet front, and lean back without being concerned for anyone else's "bubble". I sit reading most of the bus ride and didn't listen to my ipod once. Just enjoying the book, the travel, the silence, the journey I was on. This week will be great.
Off the bus and onto the train. Skytrain that is. First time on the skytrain… but don't worry I looked like I had ben on the train 100 times. Act tired instead of bewildered. Works overtime. Then I actually go to harbour.
I wasn't really sure what to expect form harbour. My first impression was that I felt like I was in the opening scene of "Fame." Tight crowded hallways full of experienced dancers who are all friends. This is their head quarters, their "home studio" if you will. So here I am bustling through all these people and "the source kids" with my two huge bags asking about a thousand questions at the front desk while the regulars are waiting for me to move just to swipe their membership cards. So I go and change in the change room…. there is a change room just for guys! and it's a decent size! and it has a bathroom! clearly this is a place "for men to dance." So I come out of the change room and the hallways are still packed while everyone waits for the class before to end.
It is important at this time to mention that I didn't get a "snobby vibe" from anyone. I got the impression that when looked at people simply thought "another new guy, whatever" as opposed to "WHO is THIS? he isn't like US! I'm the BEST!"
So then class starts. Level 2 hip hop. Level 2 is for intermediate dancers…..I should be fine. We start learning this combo in a wonderfully large, wonderfully loud, wonderfully artistic, wonderfully unkempt studio. The steps to the dance are fine. The combo has a smooth sexy feel to it with plenty of body rolls to go around. It doesn't hurt that the room is filed with very FIT and ATTRACTIVE young LADIES ranging from ages 17-23 doing their SEXY body rolls while sweating. This helps me get into character of course….. strictly professional. I'm off topic.
So the steps were going fine. And then the teacher puts on the music and holy $&!% this is fast…. but "don't worry" the teacher re-assures the class. "Take your time". Perfect, all I have to do is take my time while the music beats me up and taunts at me to keep up with it. I get through the combo alright but by no means was a stand out performer. This is proven when towards the end of class the teacher hand selects some guys to do the dance "give it up for the fellas" he says to the class. The problem is that there is me and 2 other guys who apparently aren't one of the 'fellas' chosen to perform for all the sweaty, pretty, young, body-rolling….. I'm off topic again. The class ends with the teacher doing the combo as well as continuing to what we have yet to learn. He is amazing! This is why I am here.
Second class. Street jazz. I wonder what shoes I should wear. My hip-hop shoes? bare fee? my jazz shoes? can't be jazz shoes because everyone in this room I bet is too cool for jazz shoes. I bet they would probably all rather wear their fancy funky socks they paid $28 dollars for. I find out soon enough. I see a couple people entering the room with runners and high-tops on. "OK" I think to myself. "red nike's, here we go again"
This class I know I will have fun in. The teacher starts by telling us about the music being "Jannelle Monae" whom I already love. We start the combo as waking up cyborgs…. I KNOW I will like this class. The steps are easier then hip hop but the combo requires even bigger movement and there is considerably more people in this wonderful dancing room. I'm actually concerned about kicking the girl behind me in the face at one point. As a quick side note, I stepped on my dancing neighbour later in the class. she took it in stride though. The class progresses and although I don't struggle with doing the steps I struggle big time with remembering the steps. My brain hurts. It's been a long day. I became very inconsistent. Sometimes when running the combo I nail it feeling like I was performing amazingly. Other times I can visualize myself being boo'd off the stage by the invisible audience for not being able to remember a level 1/2 combo!
I hop back on the skytrain (like the skytrain pro I am) to get to Stace's house (who has generously let me stay with her for a few days). We chat for while. I talk to my significant other, she talks to hers. I test her on flashcards she has made up for her upcoming test this week on every muscle and nerve in the body. The night end calmly as I fall asleep on the couch. A good day 1.

25 years of life

so I just turned 25. A quarter century. a Piece of pie.

In the past few weeks leading up to my birthday I have found that I have been extremely reflective of my life to this point. I normally don't even care too much about my birthday and I'm not sure if my talent for staying alive is worthy of celebrating or acknowledging. hurray! I keep surviving! For some reason this year is different. I have been thinking quite a bit about my childhood, past experiences, and the person I am these days and here are some of my thoughts.

when I think about childhood almost all of my memories are positive. playing with my siblings, sunday afternoons at grandmas house, playing with the neighbors in the summer, sunday night dinners, and of course all of the special occassions like thanksgiving and christmas.

My girlfriend asked me just yesterday to name the 5 best moments in my life, and to my own surprise, I almost instantly was able to come up with my top 5. none of my top 5 involve getting married or having kids but I must say that I have enjoyed the journey and the next 25 should be interesting as well.

What I've been thinking a lot about lately is my life currently. At this stage of life, more than any other I have had or will have, I feel able to make my own life without having to worry about how my decisions impact others. I have the resources and knowledge to literally do anything or pursue any venture and not have a house and kids to worry about... to be tied down or set roots. What is interesting about having the world at my fingertips is that I am doing quite the opposite. I am looking to get a long term full time position with a good salary and stability. It is amazing how practicality can impact me. It is also amazing how dreams can conflict with each other. So when I think about my life now, I think about all the things I could do if I drop everything and how dropping everything would destroy so much of what I have worked for to this point.

When I really think about my life what stands out to me and the thing I want to do right now most is impact the lives of others. I feel like I have so much to give to the world and the people around me and that it almost always falls flat. this world we live in is so rushed, so saturated, so isolating that I find it discouraging that there are so few times we as people really connect. and I mean truly connect as human beings. We are too busy and too afraid to share how we feel and too worried about what social norms tell us are acceptable to break them. As I criticize it I know I am part of the problem. I would love very much to just sit and talk and listen with the people around me and connect with them but I am busy, I brush things off, I refuse to hear and see what is going on around me. I see the problem and am part of it. There is always something that needs to be done, always a time limit, always something prevents growth.
Of course, I have had many instances where I have been impacted by the people around me, often in ways they would look back on as insignificant. Profound for me. I hope I have done the same for others

My life has been good to this point. It will remain good I am sure but I miss being care-free and without restrictions.

I will end emphasizing that my life has been very good to this point and I have very few regrets. I will end with a couple of quotes.



"habit it a poor substitute for happiness"

"what would you do if you weren't afraid?"

I'm cocky? maybe you lack confidence.

I've been told I'm cocky, which I certainly act sometimes and am even less. yes, I have a cocky streak but I think overall I'm fairly humble. anyways when I'm told Im cocky I have started to thin about who is telling me and in what context. it seems that the people who have issue with me acting or being cocky are the people who I think generally have lower self-esteem than others.

I am almost always confident... which is sometimes misinterpreted as cocky, and I have high-self-esteem and I personally like when I see athletes and performers who are cocky so long as they don't put down others while doing it. it is much different to say "I am the best" than saying "you suck and I will destroy you." I almost never have an issue with someone being cocky. I find it entertaining and if its the truth why not say it. if someone says they are the best and are the best whats wrong with saying that?

I can't help but think that when some people see skills or personality that they are envious of they feel bad about themselves. and what do we do when we feel bad? we tend to make others feel bad. "you're so cocky" instead of "wow, that was really good, you must have worked hard to be able to do that"

I am simply observing a trend I am seeing so the next time you hear someone say "oh, they are so cocky" take a look to see who is saying it and in what context. was this blog post cocky?

business crossover

so if you read my blog you ma have noticed that I haven't written on it in a couple of months. this is one part laziness and four parts crappy computer. But thanks largely to mama I have a new computer and the blog can return. I have a number of quirky and original thoughts that have crossed my mind that I will share with you, one of which is business cross over. allow me to explain.

back in april I was driving through downtown and drove by an adult store to which the window was painted with deals celebrating 4:20 (smoking weed on a specific day). I thought to myself that this was bizarre. Why is sex and the purchasable novelties around sex being used in conjunction with smoking weed? They are seperate. I'm sure for some people they are very much intwined but I have to think that for most people (whoa re sexually active) weed and sex do not go hand in hand. It didn't make sense to me for a sex shop who is in the business of literally selling sex, a topic many people are uncomfortable talking about, to align itself with illegal drugs, something many people want to distance themselves from. doesn't seem like smart business. But I am not a business man and do not own any businesses and then I thought of another business that does this and I would guess with great success.
Walking by a vitamins and nutrient store the other day and saw that they sold clothing in addition to all the protein poweder and vitamins. the clothing was inevitably that of the MMA variety. This is no doubt so that all the people who go and buy their protein muscle shakes can also go buy their be-dazzled shiny "tapout" shirts at the same time. maybe its a good business move. Thats all I will say about that.

pajama pants

pajamas in general are something I personally tend to associate with kids. not to say adults do not wear pajamas or pajama pants but when I think of who wears pajamas kids come to mind. I noticed a little trend about a week ago and that is teenagers wearing pajama pants with beer company prints. now when I think of beer and who drinks it I think of adults. Is it ironic that pajama pants (associated with youth) are made of beer prints (associated with adults) or is that just really clever marketing trying to get the young people to look "cool" and buy the product.... when they are old enough to enjoy it?

signal lights

do you ever notice that no 2 signal lights are the same. This is something I noticed as a young boy and never ceases to interest me. do you think that car companies look up the amount of signals per minute (we can call it spm) and ensure that their cars are different. why can't the signals be in unison with each other? it would be nice if I could just once have my signal lights match that of the vehicles around me.

olympic flame

I love watching the olympics. I always have. top athletes performing under pressure with such a prize and the whole world watching it is quite a spectacle. I also enjoy much of what the olympics brands itself about the world coming together and sharing in the experience.
Contrary to that I see and understand the dark side of the olympics. The side that has governments cut social spending and not only turn a blind eye but ensure that the world is uneducated about social problems. It was prevalent with social issues in Beijing and is prevalent as the olympics come to vancouver. There is also the cheating and scandals that have been involved in past games. One thing that stands out in my mind with every olympic games is how much hype is surrounding it and in a poof of 2 weeks it is over to only leave a memory.

With the olympic torch passing through kamloops last week (and I went out of my way to see it come through) I really felt that it captured what I view as the olympic spirit. It brought people together, there was excitement, pride, and celebration. It also was incredibly over hyped, exceptionally brief and for me slightly overshadowed by the security and how forced some of it was. for example the people had to stand at certain angles when lighting the torch and people running alongside the torch should security become a factor. I understand its need but physically seeing it be what I felt a bit over the top took away from the event.

It seems that the when talking about the olympics many people are polarized about the topic. so many in favor and drink in the product and lifestyle the olympics bring while others are passionately against it. I have mixed feelings about the entire process. What I think would be great is that the olympics were still strictly about competition. Not about epic opening ceremonies, marketing mascots, scandals, social problems, or any of that. In this day and age sports and competition is about so much more than the event itself. The olympic torch relay is another byproduct of this spectacle. Whether you love it or hate it that's how it is.