Leaving KDA

a while back I ended my employment at KDA. After the feelings and emotions of leaving subsided I started reflecting on my time at KDA.
When I think back on my time there I can't help but think about the huge impact my time there made on me not only as a dancer but as a person.
I arrived in 2007 and got the job on a recomendation of a previous teacher, I was ready to not dance thinking that I would be focusing exclusively on school. Luckily, I was fortunate to be given a job.

I will take much from my time at KDA. I learned and gained lots: I had a love of hip hop ignited in me making me a better, more rounded, and more confident dancer. I learned how to cultivate "class culture" by trying to give my students the most enjoyable and most productive class possible. I learned how the minds of teenage girls work, although I still have lots to learn on that one. The biggest thing I will take though is my passion for teaching and mentoring. I love dancing and taking class but being able to pass on knowledge and ideas to me was the most rewarding.

The times I felt best as a teacher is when the class was doing exercises or choreography and just catching the smiles on the faces of the students. Seeing your students smile was always worth way more than any compliments after class. I know it sounds corny but its so true. The other moments that were really great for me is explaining a move or step and having students give me the look of "I can't do that" or "you're kidding" on their face and then within 10 minutes after practicing it a few times and maybe with a little bit of instruction they did it just fine, and again see the smile on their face. Once I became comfortable teaching I really starting emphasizing personal growth. Repeatedly I tried to make students aware of their attitudes and how that impacts every aspect of dance/life and how skills and attitudes in dance transfer to life. Some days I left the studio feeling like a motivational speaker but that's just how it goes.

I enjoyed my time at the studio and I loved teaching. my students know how much I certainly loved using quotes: "practice dancing nervous" "how you are in dance is how you are in life" "never say can't" and so forth. I will look back on my time with countless good memories. I hope that my impact on my students is so much more than learning how to do a pickup, wing, or scuffle and that they carry a good attitude with them moving forward. With my common use of quotes one of the ones I always told myself and tried to apply myself was "Young dancers are training at a very vulnerable time in their lives...
So train the whole person, not just the dancer."
~ Deborah Bull


some of my favorite quotes:
When you take dancing lessons,
you learn steps and you learn steps and you learn steps.
It can go on for a long time.
And then one day, you just learn to dance,
and it is so different.
~ Bill Austin

The mirror is not you (dancing).
The mirror is you looking at yourself.
~ George Balanchine

Nothing happens in the body 
without happening in the brain first...
dancing is 95% mental.
~ Bobby Boling, A Dancer's Manual

The only way to do it is to do it.
~ Merce Cunningham

All dance has expression. If there is no expression, I prefer the circus.
The performers do more dangerous, more difficult technical things than we do.
But we are dancers. We have to express and we have to project.
~ Luis Fuente

What we hope ever to do with ease,
we must first learn to do with diligence.
~ Samuel Johnson

Everyday there must be something I can't do,
 otherwise it's boring.
~ Monet Robie

Dancing's just a conversation between two people.
 Talk to me.
~ Steven Rogers, "Hope Floats"

Dance is the only art
of which we ourselves 
are the stuff of which it is made.
~ Ted Shawn

The mediocre teacher tells. 
The good teacher explains.
 The superior teacher demonstrates.
 The great teacher inspires.
~ William Arthur Ward


And finally....

Try to respect the student's spiritual feeling and intelligence.
 A human being is in your hands.
 If you don't love your students, it's better you don't teach.
 Give the truth always.
~ Maestro Hector Zaraspe

Thanks KDA, it's been a slice.

car shopping

towards the end of October I decided to buy a car. It was an idea I was throwing my head for some time but the desire to buy a car was growing and growing and so I started to look.

side note: I love my scooter, but it can only do so much.

As I started to look for cars I wasn't sure what type of car to get: used, private, used dealership, or new. Buying a brand new car I wrote off relatively quickly, mostly because I still have plenty of student debt and didn't want to be making large monthly payments while still having all my student debt looming. So anyways, I decided to buy used and so I started looking and man was it frustrating.

inevitably there were two main issues: 1) when a private sale the car seemed to be a good deal but there was always something wrong with it> oh it's great but it needs new tires, oh it's great but is missing a strut, oh it's great but the timing belt is going to need to be replaced soon. every car I looked at there was at least one major issue that would have taken more time and money to replace therefore eliminating any cost savings. I actually found one car that I really loved but as I arranged with the guy to buy it from him someone else had looked at it and offered money on the spot. 2) when looking at a dealership you have to deal with car salesmen. normally salespeople are kind of irritating but they are just doing their job but I really hate car salespeople. they try and create a person connection with you and be your buddy at the same time try to manipulate you every step of the way. I just hate the power game they play trying to make you feel like they are in charge and you march to their drum. I'm the one who's willing to pay the money, might not hurt treating me like an intelligent human. the worst is when you start doing the price dance. you haggle and the sales person inevitably says "I'll bring this to my manager". suddenly the guy who's been telling you everything he can personally do for you such as maintenance and special offers has absolutely no power and must go to a different room and talk to someone that I as the consumer don't even see or talk to and come out with a slightly number. and then the sales person tells you "that's the best I can do". my initial reaction is "F*#& you that's all you can do" this guy is suddenly helpless and wants to convince me he did everything he could to get me the best deal. YA RIGHT!

I went and saw a number of private sales and even went to a few dealerships and when the dealers were just too big of schmucks I left. regardless of how good the car is, if the experience of buying the car is bad.... I'm out.

In the end I bought an old toyota. I could have probably have gotten it cheaper but I was done with the car search and just wanted a vehicle at that point.

NYC

So I've been a lazy blogger, oh well.

This past summer I went to NYC. Instead of me telling you all the things I did and see I will give you my impressions of the city and my experience. The very first things I noticed upon arriving and that stuck with me is that NYC is a city of no bull shit. What I mean by that is that everyone is direct, there is no sugar coating things and you aska question you're gonna get a straight answer. For some people this might be upsetting or a bit too direct but I loved it, I thought it was hilarious that you ask someone a question of where to get info for a shuttle and before you realize it they are not only telling you which shuttle you want to take but have called for it, suggested some sight seeing, and passively hit on your sister.

The second thing I noticed is that everyone is out to make a buck. This certainly isn't something specific to NYC but I've never seen it more blatant. The shuttle driver toured around the terminal about 3 times looking to jam up the shuttle only to not, but her tried. So many people have tip expectations. The tip expectation was most evidenced by a tour bus driver who went on a 10 minute rant about how tipping is important and an indication of good service the world over. He was laying it on thick. The other searing image in my mind about people trying to make a buck is multiple people with plastic garbage bags or coolers filled with botled water selling it on the street for $1. Every time I saw this and a few other things I couldn't help but have Rick Ross' song "hustlin'" playing in my head repeatedly.

The third thing I noticed is just how compact this city is. We spent almost all of our time in Manhattan. Every couple blocks you stumble across some major landmark or event. heres's time square, oh here's madison square garden, oh here's Macy's (which is insane by the way). Being a city that is so compact and arguably the most famous city in the world it is of course crowded, my sister used the term overwhelming once or twice but I found it great. I loved how busy it was, there was so much energy in the city. I would not be so fond of all the people and noise and smell if I lived in NYC and had to face it on a daily basis but visiting and temporarily immersing myself in it was awesome.

Overall I loved the trip. I loved what New York had to offer, you could be there for a month and still not see everything you'd want to. I would not want to live in NYC but it sure was great to visit. Side note, the statue of liberty experience was the low-light of the trip.

food tug-o-war

everybody needs to eat. Sometimes, when we eat it's messy. Sometimes, when we eat it looks like our head has a weight pulling it towards the plate. Let me explain.
You might be saying to yourself, ya it looks like our head is pulled towards our plates when we are hungry and shoveling it home but that isn't what I'm referring to today. What I have noticed lately is a strange phenomenon that has people weighed down by the food not in their mouths but actually outside of their mouths.

so I saw someone eating a sandwich the other day and the piece of lettuce in the sandwich slid out after the bite leaving a piece of lettuce attached to the part in her mouth so it was left dangling there after hitting her chin. Instead of putting that lettuce in her mouth or tilting the head back to try and get gravity on her team she bent forward towards her plate with her arms tentatively coming up to grab the lettuce. It was as if her head suddenly weighed triple its regular weight and she had no choice but to move to the plate.

This is a common maneuver when eating spaghetti as well. everything is happy with the noodles and the sauce and then there is a piece that is longer than its friends and it doesn't make it into the mouth. children know how to combat this, slurping. Adults, who have been groomed not to slurp become victims of the head weight where the utensils are suddenly useless and the head gets pulled towards the plate as if the rest of the body is helpless. It's as if food hitting the chin activates this strange occurrence.


Now, I've seen this happen before where the food doesn't quite make it into the mouth but it doesn't stay with the rest of the food on the plate and ends up on the chin. In these situations it is as if food hitting chin activates the heavy head and cripples the arms from helping. people start diving into their plates into this hunchback position all in the effort to keep their manners and not look foolish.

heavy heads while eating, guaranteed you'll notice it next time. ;)

dance audition

a few weeks ago I auditioned for a dance company. this dance company would have turned me into one of 'the source kids'. For months I thought about this audition and the possibility of not only getting in and being able to grow and work with so many different choreographers and teachers but also to be part of a group and being constantly challenged. for months I battled with the thought of should I stay where I am and be able to save money and teach my students or should I go an have a new experience. Ultimately I auditioned and had a lot of fun during my audition but I unfortunately did not get accepted. it didn't sink in until after my vacation but when it sank in, it hurt pretty bad. I cannot recall feeling this disappointed in a long time, but that's life and that's the way it goes. Instead of me recounting every last detail of the audition itself I will instead copy and past part of a conversation I was having with an old classmate and now friend of mine who I spent the afternoon before my callback with:

Hey Marcus! I don't know how I missed this message until today ... Sorry to hear that you won't be moving to Vancouver :( So, where did your disappointment come from? Not getting into thw company or
not having a reason to move? Both? Or, was it a disappointment with your own performance? I only ask because thwr
.... Ok, I really Hate the return function on my IPad ... Sorry for the disjointed message ...
So, I only ask because the real reason is a good indicator of where you want to be and what you want to be doing. I'm sure you have the talent and the potential to have been accepted ... Perhaps it was your reluctance (fear or uncertainty?) that manifested in your second performance ... Use this as a reference point for figuring out where you are at right now and what the best transition - if any - would be. My feeling is that you will "outgrow" your current circumstances sooner than you might imagine ... But, there are always safety nets that keep us comfortable and make the choice to change or leave really difficult. But, deep inside you already know this :) I hope you visit again when you're next in Vancouver

hi M,
when I reflect on it I am disappointed for both reasons you have outlined. I am disappointed that I did not get in because I really wanted to be able to be pushed on a daily basis, to be a part of a group/team, to grow dynamically and meet people and be interacting with people on a regular basis that are as passionate about the same things I am passionate about. I am however, also disappointed to not have a reason to move. I don't feel as though I need to move but I do know that I am ready to start a new chapter in my life, what that chapter is I'm not yet sure but the thoughts that come to mind immediately are dancing, working, and relationships. my life is 'comfortable' but I think perhaps I need a shake up of some sort.
As far as my second night performance goes, it could very well have been my fear or apprehension getting the best of me. I was hesitant at the idea of moving, however when I reflected on it and truly listened to my inner clarity I knew I wanted in and I knew that if I got accepted that I would have gone. I said openly to people who asked/were willing to listen that it would be easier if I auditioned and did not get accepted. This way, the difficult decision would be made for me. I wonder if me verbalizing this statement on more than one occasion affected my universal energy and what was bound to happen to me.
n terms of "outgrowing" my situation, I agree with you. perhaps it is again something I know deep internally within myself or maybe because I just watched 'the soloist' and it has me reflecting on my life, it's meaning, and the personal connections I have formed but I feel as though I will outgrow my current situations as well. how that will present itself in the future I have yet to determine.

my note goes on to speak of other things but there is a brief snapshot of a disappointment and one conversation that ensued.

dance parents

the other day I sat in line for 5 hours to get tickets to a show that I am in and even helped create. I really enjoyed it because I got to hang out with a whole bunch of dance parents from around the studio. I had the epiphany of how crucial dance parents are only after I quit dancing in my early teen years, which was re-inforced 10 fold waiting in this line. These are the people who pay, who bring kids to every practice on time, who wait patiently while their kids talk to be picked up, who hunt around for costumes (and sometimes even sew them), who raise amazing kids with amazing talents and even more amazing personalities, and despite all of this that I already know I continue to be amazed by them.

This weekend I was siting with parents who were enduring the cold and getting up early so that they can buy tickets for their kids dance shows, to support them, and show their love. the most amazing part of it is the fact that not only were they doing it but they were happy to do it. as if..... of course we wait, why wouldn't we wait in line?

this inevitably makes me think back to my own childhood and all the work my parents, especially my mom, put in to not only do the day to day running around by also the financial sacrifices they endured (the reason I try so hard to keep my costume costs down now). I remember my mom driving me for hours to an out of town festival and waiting in the auditorium for hours more, and making sure I had everything packed and was organized.... all for 3 minutes on stage. I also remember my mom doing secretarial work and cleaning the studio when I was little to help supplement the cost of classes/competition/costumes because I was so involved. I hardly ever heard a complaint but the work that went in to it is amazing.... I'm amazed at the work and love that goes into these parents children and their extra-curricular activities.

If you are a dance parent and reading this; know that all that you pour into your kids is realized and appreciated, even if you aren't told that it is. and if you are a dancer, think about everything your parents do for you and I'm sure you will be compelled to thank them and show your appreciation.

although I am not a dance parent or even a parent at all at this point in my life, getting a glimpse of what goes into it leaves me floored. you are unsung heroes.

douche bags

normally I talk about weird or quirky things that I find interesting. today the topics is douchebags and how to identify them:

1) a douchebag is pretty much anyone drinking energy drinks earlier than 10pm. drinking a "monster" or a "rockstar" looks ridiculous and douchey. if you need to wake up in the morning drink a coffee like everyone else.

2) a douche bag is a guy who has a huge truck for no real reason and when sees someone on a scooter (such as myself) suddenly thinks they need to challenge me. I'm not challenging you........ I'm on a SCOOTER! these morons don't realize that they're morons because not only do they accelerate only to break right away but also make sure to give me this look through their sunglasses to make sure I notice. what exactly is trying to be proven is beyond me. luckily I have a way of combating this particular breed of douche and that is by zipping right by them when they stop at a light. they are waiting to turn right at a red and I just zip to the front of the line and I'm gone. sometimes when they catch up I give them a little look to see if they are still challenging me, the eyes are suddenly on the road again.

3) sweat/track pants plus designer shirts. 'nuff said.

4) pretty much anyone with a chin strap, barbed wire tattoo, or any sort of chinese text tattoo. If you can't see the tattoo its probably under a "tapout" shirt.

and that's how to identify a douche bag!

text tone

conversations are one of my favorite things. whether its debating ideas, teaching something new, bantering, or telling jokes conversations are generally a good time. Now, sometimes we still need to get a hold of people or talk to people but they aren't in front of us or perhaps they are too busy for a phone call. enter the text message and the e-mail. E-mail is great for long messages or formal things but texting is something you do with friends so for the purpose of this blog I'm talking about texting.

as convenient as texting is, it has one major flaw: you do not know the tone of and intent of someone's words. many phrases can be interpreted many different ways take "I have something for you" as an example. I bet you can interpret that particular phrase at least 4 different ways. Sometimes its tricky to know a persons intent. Without knowing the tone the person is saying (or typing) a phrase is difficult.

Because tone text can be such a tricky thing to pin down the few times you get it exactly right is so satisfying. I have a dance student, N, and sometimes we text and joke around n text. recently we were texting and she had made a comment that I knew just the phrasing and the timing of it how she said it. so much so that I actually could picture the exact face she was making and how she laughed when she made the joke. So this blog is a light-hearted one. AS tough as nailing text tone is, it is so satisfying when you get it exactly right and you know what the person is saying and how they are saying it, its like they are right in front of you. One of life's very small but somehow satisfying victories.

old clothes

all clothes (or accessories) have an estimated shelf life. take shoes for example, when I buy a pair of shoes I expect them to last me about a year to a year and a half before being replaced (this is providing they are getting regular use). Most articles of clothing live close to their expected age before they are thrown away, donated, handed down, or made to be a 'work shirt' (I said shirt but this could be article). the passing through of clothes usually goes without incident and the person ridding themselves of the article has no special attachment. Sometimes the article lasts much shorter and we get mad. maybe it was expensive, may we only wore it a couple times, maybe you put a little too much mustard on that hot dog.... whatever. point is, its gone and you're not happy.
But isn't it great when an article lasts much longer then expected? when most items reach their expiry date we start shopping around and plan the transition but once in a while an item sneaks through and somehow avoids being replaced. the most interesting part of this is that when the article is discovered to still be around after all this time we don't immediately throw it out (I don't at least), rather we get impressed by the article and somehow a special bond is formed. A "you and me to the end" sort of thing. this article may get disgusting and may even lose part of its value but we become so impressed and sentimentally attached that not only do we not want to get rid of it but if someone else even suggested the idea it would become offensive.
I was packing up my backpack the other day and the thought occurred to me "I've had this backpack forever" when I thought about it I actually don't remember not having this particular backpack. it is old, tattered, filthy, and 2 zippers don't work. I could easily buy a more functional and better looking backpack but I really don't want to. me and this backpack have been through so much. its me and it to the end.

you look tired

a friend of mine told me I looked tired not long ago. I kind of shrugged and said I felt tired. a couple weeks later I told her I thought she looked tired on that day, she turned around and said "so you're saying I look like shit". now she said this in somewhat of a joking tone but I could tell she wasn't thrilled at my observation. We got into a conversation about how she thinks when people say that to her that they are really insulting her overall appearance as opposed to noticing heavy eyelids or darker circles. Apparently the word 'tired' holds a lot of hidden messages and feelings. do lots of people think this? should I never tell anyone that they look tired? was she saying I looked like shit? meh, life moves on and I write blogs. wha da ya gonna do?

you always get what you want

I was recently having a conversation with my ex. she told me that "you always get what you want." she didn't say it in any sort of hatred but more of that of being envious. I've been told this statement before. "oh marcus! you always get what you want!"
my reaction to this comment is "of course I do, why wouldn't I?" Most of the time I get what I want I made an active decision to get it and often had to work to attain it. so why shouldn't I get what I want? shouldn't we all get what we want? Am I supposed to want something and not try and get it because we are all supposed to be unhappy?
Life isn't difficult, too many people think it's much more complex than it is. Do things that make you happy, don't do things that don't, if you want something (that doesn't involve hurting others) then get it. of course I get what I want. why don't you?

passing on the highway

we've all been there. Long road trip on a two lane highway and the guy in front of you is going too slow so you need to pass them. Of course when you decide you are going to pass them it inevitably turns out that the road starts winding, there is always a car coming in the opposite direction, and it seems like the people heading in the opposite direction have had opportunity to pass forever. but then you finally get your window of opportunity and you go for it. you hit the signal light accelerate to a speed you don't normally cruise at and you merge back into your lane playing the adult game of leap frog. now think back to that experience. did you use your signal light to get back into the lane you just came from? the person you just passed knew you were going to come back into the lane but did you give them the courtesy? I did (most of the time). Here's why.
putting or not putting on the signal light send 2 very distinct messages. using the signal light says: "hi friend, you're going slower than me, that's okay I'll just pass you. enjoy the rest of your day." Not using the signal says: "hey jerk stop driving so F-ing slow! I've got somewhere to be.....jackass!"
maybe you agree with me, maybe I'm reading too much into a small yellow light on the back corner of a vehicle flashing a couple times. Either way the next time you're on the highway and pass or get passed you are going to think about me and my blog. booyah!

the city bus

In recent years there has been a real push for people to lower their energy use, green house gas emissions, or carbon footprint. However you say it it's the same thing: don't waste energy and recycle where you can. One big way promoting less vehicle emissions is using the city bus. It is often advertised as reliable transportation with the friendly bus driver who will get you where you want to go fast and you will enjoy every minute of it. the bus looks so inviting in advertisements. Real life is a lot different than most advertisements but I'm hard pressed to think of the discrepancy being so big as with the city bus. I recently started taking the bus again and I took it for about 8 years when I lived in Edmonton, so I'm a seasoned veteran when it comes to pulling the string to show that there is a "stop requested". Anyways, taking the bus SUCKS:
1) the mercy of the schedule. with transfers and bigger distances traveling you spend a lot of time waiting for buses to arrive. and what would be a a 20 minute trip you have to budget an hour of time for. What I'm currently experiencing is having to be at the bus stop a half hour before I need to be at work for a car ride that would take 9 minutes and if I don't sprint for the bus if I'm running a couple minutes late I'm late for work where as with a car its a non-issue.
2) the bus stop itself. most bus stops are simply a pole with a sign, I got no problem with those ones, its the transfer stations I hate. a collection of an interesting mix of people, most noticeably young teenagers who are trying to bum smokes off of one another or others and seem to think that they are the coolest people around. While most teens spend their time at the mall, participating in extra curricular activities, or playing video games these teens are busy melting the sides of the shelter with their lighters. CLASSY! the other thing I hate about transfer stations is that they are filthy. plenty of garbage bins around but that's not the issue. the issue is that you can't go anywhere without stepping on cigarette butts, like someone in the sky sprinkled the entire transfer station with them as decoration.
3) the bus driver. In my years of bus travel I had only 1 nice driver. the kind of driver you would see on a commercial, one that always greats you with a smile and has no problem answering any question. Most drivers are just pissed off, like pulling over to pick you up was a huge chore and now they are late for dinner because of YOU! and is it just me or is every single bus driver ever a male between the ages of 40-60? cause it certainly seems that way. I can't say I blame them. I don't think I'd be in a great mood if I had that job... although bus driver clothing is trendy.

despite all my complaining about city transportation it does offers a couple of good points:
1) you don't have to think, when the bus gets going you can turn the brain off and zombie out, if the bus isn't crowded you could even catch a few Z's.
2) if you're into people watching its the place to do it. A large diversity of people take the bus so to see different people and create your own little stories for them is fun.

And that is my experience of city transportation.

feels like winter

now that the holiday season is over I'm glad I don't have to hear people talking about all the effort they have to go through to make it "feel like christmas." In my opinion you shouldn't have to work too hard for feelings. For the most part our attitudes determine our feelings and I'm just not going to spend hundreds of dollars and dozens of hours decorating/cooking/shopping/planning/ and wrapping. Don't get me wrong, I do all of those things in small amount but it isn't going to alter my day/weekends/month or season to do it.
thinking about the feeling of christmas I thought to myself when does it "feel" like christmas or winter (in a good way, not the bone chilling cold way) that requires no effort. For me, it wasn't crunching snow, skating, christmas lights, fire places, skiing, world junior hockey, snow shoeing, santa clause displays, or shopping. To me the best winter feeling I can get comes from seeing fresh snow on trees. a fresh snow fall is great but I have lived in cities my whole life so seeing a completely untouched snowfall is a rarity for me. I think that's why I love snow on trees. nobody bothers the snowy tree, and there is something about branches long lost of leaves with a few centimeters of snow elegantly resting on the intricate branches. AHHHHH! christmas!