25 years of life

so I just turned 25. A quarter century. a Piece of pie.

In the past few weeks leading up to my birthday I have found that I have been extremely reflective of my life to this point. I normally don't even care too much about my birthday and I'm not sure if my talent for staying alive is worthy of celebrating or acknowledging. hurray! I keep surviving! For some reason this year is different. I have been thinking quite a bit about my childhood, past experiences, and the person I am these days and here are some of my thoughts.

when I think about childhood almost all of my memories are positive. playing with my siblings, sunday afternoons at grandmas house, playing with the neighbors in the summer, sunday night dinners, and of course all of the special occassions like thanksgiving and christmas.

My girlfriend asked me just yesterday to name the 5 best moments in my life, and to my own surprise, I almost instantly was able to come up with my top 5. none of my top 5 involve getting married or having kids but I must say that I have enjoyed the journey and the next 25 should be interesting as well.

What I've been thinking a lot about lately is my life currently. At this stage of life, more than any other I have had or will have, I feel able to make my own life without having to worry about how my decisions impact others. I have the resources and knowledge to literally do anything or pursue any venture and not have a house and kids to worry about... to be tied down or set roots. What is interesting about having the world at my fingertips is that I am doing quite the opposite. I am looking to get a long term full time position with a good salary and stability. It is amazing how practicality can impact me. It is also amazing how dreams can conflict with each other. So when I think about my life now, I think about all the things I could do if I drop everything and how dropping everything would destroy so much of what I have worked for to this point.

When I really think about my life what stands out to me and the thing I want to do right now most is impact the lives of others. I feel like I have so much to give to the world and the people around me and that it almost always falls flat. this world we live in is so rushed, so saturated, so isolating that I find it discouraging that there are so few times we as people really connect. and I mean truly connect as human beings. We are too busy and too afraid to share how we feel and too worried about what social norms tell us are acceptable to break them. As I criticize it I know I am part of the problem. I would love very much to just sit and talk and listen with the people around me and connect with them but I am busy, I brush things off, I refuse to hear and see what is going on around me. I see the problem and am part of it. There is always something that needs to be done, always a time limit, always something prevents growth.
Of course, I have had many instances where I have been impacted by the people around me, often in ways they would look back on as insignificant. Profound for me. I hope I have done the same for others

My life has been good to this point. It will remain good I am sure but I miss being care-free and without restrictions.

I will end emphasizing that my life has been very good to this point and I have very few regrets. I will end with a couple of quotes.



"habit it a poor substitute for happiness"

"what would you do if you weren't afraid?"